You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
