True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
