So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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