Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
