We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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