I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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