This is not my ceiling
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
