Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize