Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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