i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You need Xanax blowdarts
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
