I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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