I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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