i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize