I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
