Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
