I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
