ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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