So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
