I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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