Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Drunk is a universal language darling
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