five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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