The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
