I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
