Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
handjob tips. give me some.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
