his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
