Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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