Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
