remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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