So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
