I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
