I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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