Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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