there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
