Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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