i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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