god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
