I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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