just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
