his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked