I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again