So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....