I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.