2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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