Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
