I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He did a backflip because drugs
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