Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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