Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
