if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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