Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
