i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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