I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
