you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
