Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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