I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
