I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
