I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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