At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
