I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
