he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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