Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
