I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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