genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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